The Defense of a Cave Troll

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The Defense of a Cave Troll


"You never leave home."

I can't count how many times have I sighed after hearing this sentence. It comes in various flavors, sometimes it's completely 'whatever', but sometimes it sure carries judgement, exasperation, or even blame. Yep, blame. Sometimes, when I hear it, it truly feels as if I actually owe people to go out. And I'm not talking about my close ones, I'm talking about general acquaintances.

The most common occurence though is definitely judgement, and one thing that bothers me most - and makes me think the most - is that the times when I've heard the most judgement in this statement was when it came from my brethren, (or so I thought!), the people who used to be cave trolls as well. Sometimes, perhaps, still are, but feel less cavy after a few outings.

Now, I feel that those people who, after leaving their caves, ride up to me on their high horses never actually #wanted# to sit at home instead of traversing bars, clubs, or what have you. Not everyone is a social butterfly and sometimes it takes people a while to grow up into it or to find a group they will fit in and finally get their share of social interactions. So when they finally do, they come to the little old me and roll their eyes at my unchanging anti-social habits.

Me? I am not a cave troll because I was forced into it. I could go out, hell, if I felt like it, I could go out every Friday night and have fun like the songs proclaim. There are bars in the city, if I was into it. There are Facebook groups, I'm sure, that connect people who want to go clubbing. Or, more realistically by my standards, I could at least sit in a bar and talk to friends, acquaintances, or random strangers. But I don't want to. I #am# a cave troll and I like my cave. Very, very much. I choose to stay in, because that's where I have the most things to do, that's where I feel best, and that's where I do things that actually interest me and awake positive emotions within me. I don't find joy in random outings and, most definitely, in sitting in bars and chit chatting hours away.

I also hate beer almost as much as I hate small talk (or more, it's bitter, eww).

So yes, sometimes I will go see a friend or a few, sure. Sometimes I will even enjoy it! Especially if we do something else than sit and talk or if they're my favorite people and we just have plenty to talk about. Every now and then I can even go to a party. But the farther away from my home it is, the smaller the chance is I will appear. And if I can't hit 'eject' button and come back to sleep in my own cozy bed after a warm bath and a cup of tea at any chosen moment, well damn, things get complicated. A cave troll wants to be in touch with her cave, without it, she feels lost and her fur gets ruffled.

That being said, there are times and occassions when I'm happy to leave. This past weekend my childhood friend got married. I'd have gone even if I broke both my legs (getting something out of the top shelf, because if most accidents happen at home, with the amount of time I spend here it would be bitterly ironic if I broke my legs anywhere else!). Sometimes there's just a fun thing to do, then I'm all in. Or a holiday in a bug-free hotel. Sure thing! There are days where I >gasp< even go for a solitary walk and breathe in the stinky city air. There are days where I feel like seeing people and talking to living humans without the use of a keyboard (what a crazy idea!).

But more often than not, I don't leave home indeed. I can go for long periods of time without talking face-to-face to people and not feel the need to sit down and make up for the 'lost' time. I can sit in my place for two weeks without so much as poking my nose outside the front door if I just stockpile enough food <- not an exaggeration. Been there, done that, and enjoyed myself greatly.

My cave is where I rest and where I recharge my social-interaction batteries. It can take a lot of time, because being at home is the natural state for me, not the other way around.

My cave is also where I can sit down and write a ranty/whiny post. How can anyone not see the beauty of it? Why do people ever bother going out and wasting time on irrelevant things?!

JK. We're all different. Sometimes I just wish others realized it as well.